Lately I have been hearing from parents of grown kids, “Oh, we were lucky with our kids they weren’t much of a problem”. Most recently I had a conversation with a mom of grade school aged children. Once she heard I had two boys at the University of Washington she assumed I had some insights into raising “successful kids”. She asked, “What do you think keeps kids on the successful path? Different people say church; others say sports, or music lessons. What is your thought?”
Until that moment I would have said, there are no guarantees with children. Because life is complicated and we just do the best we can. But wait. Hey, don’t I deserve some credit for raising healthy, happy children, for making sacrifices to insure their well being and waiting up for them and checking that they turned in their homework? I think yes. I paused, revising my response to… as a parent we need to be present in our children’s lives, present both physically and emotionally. We need to take an interest in what they are doing and who they want to become, listen to their dreams support them through the failures, mistakes and successes. Love and be present. And for a time, put them above our wants and desires. This is why teenagers think their parents are boring...no life because we have kids.
I feel I have been the type of parent that says, “Yes, we can do that”, “yes, I will help you”. One example of this is when my middle boy came home and said he was joining the tennis team, he had played tennis once at his friend’s house. I said, “Ok, we better get you tennis lessons”. Is he a champion tennis player today? No, but he had the chance and he pursued an interest. I believe he knows mom will help him be all he can be.
By making their lives what they want and helping them take control of their outcome, I have built confidence in my own life. Not lucky parenting....being present. Becomingjayne…being present with my children and helping them make life happen, that's how to raise successful kids.
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