Mother’s Day: A personal reflection

Mother’s Day that special day each year set aside to celebrate Mom for being there and taking care of you and giving support, for me BecomingJayne it is a time to reflect on being a mother.

Being a mom has been very satisfying; raising my three boys, being present in their lives is my greatest accomplishment. I would do again in a heartbeat. I know it is “learn as go” type of job, but I feel I have and I am continuing to do the best job I can.  I am very proud of all of them. And they continue to amaze me with their wit, intellect, interests and talents.  

One word I would use today to describe motherhood would be sacrifice. Women give up a lot to be moms, time, appearance, finances, ice cream cones and sleep.  As I look back over the last five years, since I became a single mother and chose to end my marriage to their father, I did it for my boys. I suppose that seems a bit opposite to most belief systems that children would be better off without their father in home, but it was what I needed to do.  And as a result, I was able to be the mother I wanted to be, take them on trips, laugh and be silly with them if I wanted, even share the latest book we have been reading. I feel I gave them a stress free environment in which, they could flourish and grow without criticism. At this five year mark, I feel they are well adjusted, healthy happy young men. And that makes my Mother’s Day very happy.

Becomingjayne…….being a mom.

Message Received

It’s seems BecomingJayne has taken on a literature theme. I have found that there is no better way to empathize with a 16 year old girl from Philadelphia who lost her sister on 9-11 or understand the thoughts of a mother living with cancer, tor a boy lost at sea, than by connecting with these characters in a novel. I gain an understanding of people and places that I might never get to experience, like children living through abuse or war. My blog has become a way for me to reflection on what I’ve read and the impact it has on my being. Today’s entry is no exception.

I recently finished the book, I am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak. The story is about a young taxi driver that is living in his home town spinning his wheels with no real goals or aspirations. Yet, he has been secretly picked to become the messenger. He is sent to deliver messages of hope, fear, support and love. The story is of how he accomplishes these deliveries through real life interaction and creative acts of kindness. Some simple, some not so simple.  It’s kind of a “pay it forward” story.

In the end, he calls himself the message, not just the messenger. His life was changed. I was inspired to think of my encounters with people and the messages I send. I soon became attentive to the messages I was sending and receiving:

Ø  A smile at a stranger, a message of friendliness,

Ø  Grabbing an extra bag for another lady in the produce aisle, a message of kindness

Ø  A man stops to help me when my car broke down, a message of safety and concern from him a message of thankfulness from me.

Ø  Opening my house to a friend in a troubled marriage, a message of support and encouragement.

Ø  Picking up my son long after I have been sleeping, a message of love and safety.

 Wow, many messages sent and received. Being aware of the messages I am sending has empowed my way of being. I want to be a messenger of love, peace, compassion and joy. A challenge I realize...but a way of being and becoming.

So, what messages have you sent today?

BecomingJayne……I am a message.

Perspective, perspective, perspective

   

    I live by a state border divided by a river and a bridge. People on one side call it the Longview Bridge and others on the opposite side call it the Rainier Bridge (the fact that it is really named after two explorers is inconsequential) their perspective of the name  is defined by where they are headed.

With much joy and delight I took the opportunity to reread one of my favorite classic novels, To Kill a Mocking Bird.   I did this to help my son make a meaningful connection to literature and life. It was his English assignment, of course, he read it as well; I was just making sure he kept up with his homework and understood the beautiful story.

Harper Lee develops the theme of seeing life from someone else’s perspective. The characters learn to understand people’s actions, views and opinions by learning to walk a day in someone else’s shoes. This is a perspective I can take to heart. Just think how many conflicts, misunderstandings and hurt feelings that might be avoiding if we only take a minute to see life from someone else’s world. I have hurts, insecurities, passions, desires that tend to guide my life.  Sometimes for good and sometimes not so good, I am certain other people do as well. Before, I make a judgment or get offended at someone’s actions or words. I will stop and put myself in their shoes. So, the next time someone cuts me off at a stoplight or is rude at the store or my work place. I will consider life from their view. I am sure the view will be more empathy and more compassion to others.

So, whether it is another person's shore or someone else’s shoes, the real gem is understanding life from someone’s perspective. 

Becoming Jayne….walking in your shoes.

To love or be loved

   In the novel, Bridge of Sighs, Richard Russo’s characters ask the searching question “Was it better to love or be loved?”

Is it possible to love without receiving love? When we love someone usually love is given in return. Maybe not. Most people love with the intent of receiving love. Yet, if we love someone without expectations of love in return we love unconditionally. This depth of love may not be given in return. As a parent, we love our children regardless of their behavior and actions. There are times when children don’t love their parents back. Love of a sibling during a disagreement may result in a silent period where love is not given. Not always easy, but in the end best for the heart.

My answer: it is better to love than be loved; to love without anything in return is the deepest love, putting others needs above you.  Loving others comes out of a love of self. To love another from the depth of self love a sense of love will emerge. When you love others the love you receive is from your own heart.

I think that Richard Russo has it right by asking the question…..search for yourself. What do you think, "Was it better to love or be loved"?

Becomingjayne

2012...A Year of possiblities

Happy New Year!

There are twelve months ahead full of wonder, challenges, heartache, and joy.

I suppose that is the joy of a new year. A fresh start. Setting goals. Vowing to change the bad habits we have. Working on the dreams we long to see realized.

There is a sense of mystery…. not knowing what will happen. Isn't that the delight of life? I am excited. No matter what challenges, joys or pains that I will meet this year I have the confidence and belief that I can face them with a positive attitude and make the most of my life in 2012.

I know there will be pains; sadness and disappointment, but there should be an equal amount of joy, laughter, and fulfillment. And I am wise enough to know that life won’t always go my way. Yet, I believe it is my attitude, self confidence, dreams and desires will help mold my year in to something wonderful.

Some highlights to look forward to in 2012: My oldest will graduate from college and it will be a joy to watch him move into the world. The middle boy is off to Rome to study for a quarter exploring the world of art. I will continue to build my friendships, plan new adventures and of course keep on BECOMINGJAYNE.